2 medical conditions found responsible for common unpleasant political symptoms

Medical science has narrowed down the two most probable causes for horrible symptoms such as Republicanis Elephantitis (Republicanism) and Conservatosis (Conservativism) to two well known contagious diseases: Arrogantoma Self-arhea  (Arrogant Self-Interest) and Ignoramus Stupidifius (Ignorant Stupidity).

Arrogant Self-Interest appears to be the primary contagion among afluent, land-owning, business-controlling, politically active sufferers of Republicanism, who reside primarily in the Northeast U.S., especially in Washington D.C. & The Hamptons, with cases appearing as far away as Wasilla, Alaska.

Ignorant Stupidity is more often the diagnosis for the less wealthy, less educated Republicans in the heartland, where farmers and rednecks are so afraid of anyone different than them that they enthusiastically send their children to die fighting for the oil rights of the more wealthy Republicans, thinking for various reasons that it is the will of Jesus, who preached peace. One of the best documented cases, who will not be named here out of respect for the mentally-disabled, has been known to roam a large range of habitats from Crawford, TX to Washington D.C., although in that case, the stupid ignoramus is also one of the arrogant self-interested types.

While slightly less numerous, in many cases Senioritis Dementosis (Senile Dementia) is also responsible for Conservative Republican views, and, in a few drastic cases, the culpret for this horrible affliction is actually just plain old Insanity.

No cure is currently known, as once these sicknesses set in, they root themselves so deep in the patients’ psyche’s that any treatment involving doses of logic and/or empathy are immediately rejected by the host body. The best treatment for these sad souls is isolation from other, more reasonable and sympathetic people, to prevent needless suffering on the part of the uninfected.


I am a logical, open-minded, liberal, progressive, radical, green, independent individual living in the heart of Dallas/Fort Worth, Texas, amongst apparently brainwashed conservative southern Baptist Republican zombies. I'm tired of the lies of the government and their media mouthpieces and their corporate masters. I'm tired of the cheating and the stealing and the killing. I'm ready for the future. But the only way we are going to fix things is to all band together and say NO MORE! We have to start punishing the rich white collar criminals as harshly as the poor black blue-collar criminals, if not more so. And I'm tired of cults (AKA religions). They are dangerous, divisive, and delusional. We should evolve past religions towards a global humanitarian ethics. We should move away from a new world order and get back to city states with local democracy, power, food, and water.

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Posted in bourgeoisie, comedy, conservative, dementia, democrat, funny, health, healthcare, humor, liberal, lifestyle, opinion, parody, philosophy, politics, proletariat, republican, satire, senility, truth, voting
One comment on “2 medical conditions found responsible for common unpleasant political symptoms
  1. David says:

    I think you feel that you failed to mention one of the more common ailments afflicting majority of politians who work in Washington D.C. That ailment, Cranial Rectumitus (head up your butt). This disease strikes majority of persons who serve more than a week in this city, but it has been seen in other cities through out the country as well. Early signs of this horrible disease include the words coming out of a person’s mouth begin to smell like feces due to the exesive time that the head spends up there. This disease has been known to strike Democrats and Republicans alike. One thing we do know about this disease is that that the higher ranking you become apparently the higher you head creeps up your rectum. There is no known apparent cure for this affliction, however, the longer you spend out of office and the further away you get from D.C. the symptoms do tend to subside.

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January 2009
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Mark Baland

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