The Math of Giving More Than 100%

[I didn’t write this. It was forwarded to me in an email…]

What does it mean to give 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.
Have you ever wondered about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If: 
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z 

is represented as: 
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26. 

Then: 

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K 
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98% 

and 

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E 
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96% 

But ,  

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E 
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100% 

And, 

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T 
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103% 

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you. 

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G  
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118% 

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard Work
and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, its the
Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top!

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I am a logical, open-minded, liberal, progressive, radical, green, independent individual living in the heart of Dallas/Fort Worth, Texas, amongst apparently brainwashed conservative southern Baptist Republican zombies. I'm tired of the lies of the government and their media mouthpieces and their corporate masters. I'm tired of the cheating and the stealing and the killing. I'm ready for the future. But the only way we are going to fix things is to all band together and say NO MORE! We have to start punishing the rich white collar criminals as harshly as the poor black blue-collar criminals, if not more so. And I'm tired of cults (AKA religions). They are dangerous, divisive, and delusional. We should evolve past religions towards a global humanitarian ethics. We should move away from a new world order and get back to city states with local democracy, power, food, and water.

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Posted in comedy, education, funny, humor, math, parody, satire, science

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October 2008
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Mark Baland


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