The Math of 72 Virgins awaiting each Muslim Suicide Bomber

WARNING:

This blog is written by an infidel, and may offend Allah, anyone named Mohammed, suicide bombers, self-proclaimed “martyrs”, religious nut-cases, and third world child molesters and rapists who like pre-pubescent wives…

Since first hearing about the claim of 72 virgins awaiting Martyrs of Islamic Jihad, some time back in 2001, after the December 11th attacks on the World Trade Center in New York City, I have often questioned the math behind this outrageous claim. I am not the only one, I admit. All you have to do is Google “72 Virgins” and you will see many, many sites joking about the fraudulent logic involved in such a concept.

For the few of you who may not be familiar with this idea, supposedly, according to many Islamic extremists, every “martyr” is supposed to be rewarded with 72 virgins in paradise after blowing up themselves up to kill innocent civilians in their Jihad to please Allah.

I will not go into the very misguided morality of attacking random, innocent, uninvolved men, women and children to avenge some wrong that certain governments and/or militaries have done to those who consider themselves Jihadists. Needless to say, they are usually too cowardly and poorly funded and trained to actually strike at the people directly responsible for their oppression, namely their own governments and the governments that their nations are at war with. It’s kind of like the little boy whose daddy beats him so he beats up the smaller boys at school, or the dog who gets kicked over and over by the mean old owner and then turns on the little girl walking by the fence; it’s safer to hurt someone weaker than you by surprise than to take on the power that is hurting you in a direct confrontation.

Anyway, I will now put aside ethical judgements and get back to the matter at hand, which is refuting the illogical lack of math behind the claim of “72 Virgins”…

Most of the sites that my search results returned on Google ended up being either Islamic blogs claiming that Israel is responsible for spreading this notion to western civilization, which I am sure is in at least some small way true, or people simply commenting “has anybody ever done the math” or something to that effect.

Well, I have decided to do the math, or at least to pull together various resources from around the web offering estimates and statistics where other people have done the math of how many people have ever lived and died on the Earth, and out of people that die, how many are female, and out of those how many are virgins. I am not going to bother calculating how many are virgins of legal age or who have entered or completed puberty, as this does not seem to matter in most of the Muslim world, especially in the middle east and other parts of Africa, where girls of 12-14 routinely are sold to men as wives and often, even girls of 8 or 9 years of age as well.

According to reports by Population Today magazine, the journal of the US Population Bureau, as of 2002, about 106 billion people had ever lived on Earth.

If we estimate that 50% of them were women, that means that by 2002, there had been about 53 billion women who had ever lived on the Earth.

I don’t know of any statistics that measure how many women that die are virgins or not, so, for the sake of argument, I will again take 50%, which is probably way off since usually 50% or more of even unattractive women are molested by the time  they are teenagers.

So, by a liberal estimate, there may have been as 26.5 billion female virgins who had ever lived on the earth by 2002.

If we divide that number by 72, which is the number of virgins that each martyr is apparently promised by Mohammed, or Allah, or Osama, or whomever is in charge of their gang, we get the number 368,055,555.55555555555555555555556 . I will round off the decimal point, since 55% virgin does not a virgin make.

That means that, using some very liberal estimates, there were enough virgin women who had died on Earth as of 2002 for 368 million suicide bombers, assuming that people of all races, cultures, countries, and religions all go to the same heaven, and that all the virgins went to heaven, and not hell or purgatory or limbo or were reincarnated or whatever.

According to most of the global population data that I can find on the web that takes religion into account there are about 1.5 billion Muslims in the world.

For expediency’s sake, I will guess that about half of these are men. This is important because only male “martyrs” are rewarded with virgins.

That would mean that there are about 750 million Muslim males in the world right about now.

Assuming that only about 10 % of these guys are Jihadists, which I think is fair, since it seems to me that while most religious people in the world are illogical, only a few of them are suicidal and/or homicidal, that would mean that there are about 75 million male followers of Islam on Earth that would be willing to blow themselves and other random people up so that they could be served by 72 virgins.

If we now multiply the 75 million possible suicide bombers by the 72 virgins that they will each supposedly receive, that adds up to only 54 billion virgins, and as we calculated before, there are probably no more than 26.2 billion female virgins who have ever died on Earth, so if all of these guys blew themselves up for Allah, they would end up getting only about 34.56 virgins, and as we also decided before, a partial virgin doesn’t count, so if all the possible suicide bombers blew themselves up, they could only have 34 virgins each.

So, my message to Muslim guys is this:

34 virgins is hardly worth blowing yourself up for. Wouldn’t it be easier just to cruise high schools and colleges in kick-ass cars and say that you just got out of prison? Plenty of young hotties, innocent or not, love bad boys in muscle cars. You could rack up 34 before you know it, and live to tell your sons and grandsons about it. Think about it!

I am a logical, open-minded, liberal, progressive, radical, green, independent individual living in the heart of Dallas/Fort Worth, Texas, amongst apparently brainwashed conservative southern Baptist Republican zombies. I'm tired of the lies of the government and their media mouthpieces and their corporate masters. I'm tired of the cheating and the stealing and the killing. I'm ready for the future. But the only way we are going to fix things is to all band together and say NO MORE! We have to start punishing the rich white collar criminals as harshly as the poor black blue-collar criminals, if not more so. And I'm tired of cults (AKA religions). They are dangerous, divisive, and delusional. We should evolve past religions towards a global humanitarian ethics. We should move away from a new world order and get back to city states with local democracy, power, food, and water.

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Posted in conspiracy, death, fanaticism, infidel, islam, lifestyle, opinion, parody, philosophy, politics, propaganda, religion, satire, sexuality, society, torture, truth, Uncategorized, virginity

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